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User:Jpawtucket/Feasox

2019-07-03T06:33:21Z

Kanilas: Updated username

<div class="messagebox" style="text-align:center">'''Note to readers''': This is an article about a fictional [[species]], written largely by its creators and fans in an in-universe style.</div>

The '''feasox''' is an extremely rare, endangered hybrid species. They are currently at evolutionary war with the [[spotted hyena]]s, [[fox]]es, [[equines]], and nine other species.

Their exact origins are quite mysterious. While their appearance suggests a mixture of both fox and weasel genes, their mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a both fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, one must simply accept that the feasox is a very complex being.

[[Image:Feasoxes.jpg|frame|Two feasoxes, enjoying being feasoxes (art by Mary Minch)]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how one would describe the feasox shown above:

[[Jaggers Pawtucket]] is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

However, appearances can, and typically do, vary by individual.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (combination of Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasoxes"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (combination of Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes (combination of "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Feasox Likes and Dislikes ==

=== Likes ===

[[Image:Nice.jpg|thumb|Feasoxes are for being niced to.]]

Feasoxes thrive on attention. The greatest pleasure for a feasox is being petted, hugged, snuggled, scritchied, cuddled, and/or cherished. Feasoxes are rarely reluctant to demand such affections, because they feel entitled to them. When received, feasoxes typically reward the provider with purrs.

Feasoxes like to pounce, as a greeting or simply for personal enjoyment. A general rule of thumb by which feasoxes live by is if they can get away with it, then there is nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!!

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is one of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. They usually find the ears and tails to be the most chewable of body parts. However, feasoxes have instinctively learned that a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may cease to cooperate.

Feasoxes also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Feasoxes especially love balls. They enjoy playing with anything that is round, bouncy, and roll-able.

Feasoxes are proud of the fact they they are extremely rare, and they are quick to defend themselves if their species comes under scrutiny. In general, they know themselves to be superior to all other forms of life.

=== Dislikes ===

A feasox's greatest dislike is being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. For example, a feasox may roll on his back and 'show his paws' to a potential attention supplier in an effort to demonstrate his cuteness and melt the individual into providing affection.

Feasoxes are also very sensitive to being tickled. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this weakness against a feasox, to which they respond by squirming or curling into a tight little ball. However, if tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is usually tolerated.

Feasoxes display paranoic fear of automated scritching aids, such as the ScritchyMatic MK1 (Converted Blender) and ScritchyMatic MK 2 (Converted Weedwhacker).

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

=== General Mannerisms ===

In addition to using purrs to reward others, feasoxes also purr spontaneously when they are happy. The more happy they are, the more powerful the purr. When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasoxes are aware that they are extremely adorable, and they have no qualms about using this to their advantage.

Meowing is very useful to feasoxes. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Often the more emphatic "MEOWMER!" is necessary. Other commonly used mannerisms to earn attention include poking, tugging, and of course, chewing and nibbling. Biting also works, but usually only as a last resort. Nosing and nuzzling works well for getting attention also, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles are often used to express affection.

Squirming is also a common behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and earning affection.

The feasox's ears are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox is at its happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasoxes can also control their ears to conciously exaggerate their desires.

=== Purr Exchange Rate ===

Purrs are a feasox's primary means of rewarding individuals for providing affection. Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. When they are especially happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

The following is the feasox-sponsored exchange rate of various forms of affection for 1 standard feasox purr. Note however, that in the real world, the value of the feasox purr has been grossly undervalued.

100,000 pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 scritchies = 1 purr 
1,000 cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others have been accepted as well.

== Feasox History and Folklore==

While most of the feasox history is a mystery, most of what we do know was written in The Book of Feasox. Below are a some examples of feasox history and folklore, including a tale detailing how their close relatives, the [[feazox]]es, came to be.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 8''

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''The Tale of Canis: Creation of the Canine''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 13''

"Gather with me little kittens, around the Story Tree, which was blessed twenty centuries ago by the king of trees, Lord Quercis himself.

Last time we met I told you the tale of Homonis, how he betrayed Queen Felis, the Moon Goddess and creator of all cats, and how Homonis was punished by being changed into the first of man, a creature whose lineage would forever be cursed to serve feline kind and provide us with food, warmth, and shelter. Tonight, under the glorious moon, I shall tell you the story of Homonis' second in command and most loyal ally, Canis.

Years following the downfall of Homonis, Canis continued, in secret, to serve his former master, despite the Moon Goddess' declaration that no feline would ever be subservient to Homonis or any of this progeny. Canis dwelled in the house of Homonis, fetched objects at his orders, licked his hand, begged for food, and performed tricks and played games for Homonis' amusement. Canis had thus forsaken feline dignity, turning his energies instead to blind loyalty to human kind. Quickly Canis became fat and lazy in this sheltered life, and all the while his own mother, the Moon Goddess Queen Felis, was ignorant of the happenings, for her gaze could not penetrate the cold rocky barriers of Homonis' artificial dwelling.

But then one day Canis woke up to a familiar aroma coming from just outside the house. Canis had not forgotten the delicious smell of catnip, and temptation led him to stray outside the protection of the human dwelling in search of the aroma's origin. The origin, he found, was coming from a nearby oak tree, way up high were he could not see. He promptly climbed up the tree, all the way up to its highest branch, where he discovered a mockingbird's nest. It contained three newborn eggs, and amongst the twigs and leaves making up the nest he found a catnip branch. With deft paws and little hesitation, Canis quickly removed the catnip, holding it up to his nose and savoring its smells and sweet juices. When suddenly and unexpectantly, the mother, who had been off foraging, returned and swooped in with a raucous caw and savagely pecked repeatedly at his forehead. Surprised and dazzled, Canis mewed in pain and dropped the catnip, down into the thick foliage of a briar patch. In a bout of anger and retribution, Canis swatted the bird away and quickly seized one of the eggs within his maw. He hurried down the tree and fled into the house, taking the egg inside with him.

Later that night, the mother mockingbird flew down to the window where Canis slept and pled for the return of her offspring. Unwavering, Canis refused and insisted that a deal be made for the baby's life. He demanded that the mockingbird fetch him a year's supply of catnip, after which he would return her child. He swore he would keep the egg warm and in good condition until the deal was done. To this the mockingbird agreed.

Over the course of three weeks the mockingbird labored nonstop doing Canis' bidding, until finally she had fetched him enough catnip to last nearly two years. But when it came time for her to reclaim the egg, Canis confessed that he had long ago devoured it and had simply taken advantage of her skills for obtaining catnip. Remorselessly, and without apology or thanks, Canis leaped back into the house to bask in the fruits of his treachery. Left in grief, the mother mockingbird returned to her nest after long absence only to find that her negligence had rendered her eggs dead; for none of them would ever hatch.

For three days the mockingbird mourned her loss, crying from each sunrise and until the night came and exhaustion overtook her. Way up in the clouds, where the gods reside, Lord Quercis sensed her suffering through the very bark of the oak which held the nest. With great concern he descended down into the oak and asked the mockingbird why she cried so terribly. She told him the tale of how she was wronged by Canis and how he killed her three only offspring.

In disgust and anger, Lord Quercis sped back up into the clouds. He sought out Queen Felis and demanded that the murderous cat be punished. Torn between her anger over the mistreatment of another being and the love for her mortal son, the Moon Goddess reluctantly agreed to banish Canis from the kingdom of cats. This was a verdict of such magnitude that not even the walls of Homonis' home could protect Canis from. Curled up in pain, Canis whimpered as he could feel his body changing. His body became larger and more muscular, losing the graceful sleekness and flexibility so prized by feline kind. His fur became courser and his tail stiffer. His snout grew longer and his teeth and jaws more ruthless, reducing him to growls and barks and incapable of feline talk. He lost his sense to see in the dark, and Queen Felis took away his ability to conceal his claws, serving as a constant badge for his violent and cruel nature. She also made him incapable of climbing trees, such that he could never molest bird kind ever again. Finally, perhaps worst of all, she made him insensitive to the smell of catnip and unable to enjoy the pleasures of its sweet nectar. In his great grief, Canis howled a mournful cry so loud it was heard by all cats everywhere.

Such is the story of Canis and the creation of the canine folk. To this day his descendents continue to serve humankind with dumb loyalty. However they have not forgotten what happened to Canis and all that was lost. In hatred to Lord Quercis, the director of Queen Felis' wrath, the canines urinate on trees with every given opportunity. And when the Queen Felis' gaze is largest, and the moon is brightest, they howl in agony, pleading to the Moon Goddess to take pity upon them and allow them to return to the kingdom of cats. It is thus through envy and jealously that the canines carry so much contempt for us felines, and is why we must always be careful when in their presence.

Now, my little ones, go back to your comfortable homes and sleep, and dream of the tales I have told you."

=== '''The Origin of the Spotted Hyena''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 21''

"There once was a litter of wild dogs. Like any other litter, there was a single runt of a pup who was too small and fragile to wrestle away any food from his brothers and sisters. This runt would have surely died had the god Zeus, in the form of a giraffe, not happened to pass by.

Zeus felt pity for this little runt and gave him ugly looking polka dots and a terrible smell. The other pups, quite disgusted, all ran away and died in the desert. With the food all to himself, the runt with the ugly polka dots and a terrible smell flourished.

And that is how Spotted hyenas were created."

=== '''The Origin of the Fox''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 22''

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable AND kewl.

So kewl was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose.
"You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!"
Of course, Fox refused, and being super-kewl, stuck his tongue out at Apollo.
So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his kewlness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like kewlness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward.

And that is how foxes were created."

=== '''How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever''' ===
''A feazox folktale, scribed by Channing''

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''The Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasoxes are members of the Feasozobearzuma Party, a political alliance between the feasoxes, [[feazox]]es, [[honey bear cat]]s, and [[montehoney orobearzuma]]e.

[[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasoxes, Feazoxes, Honey Bear Cats, and Montehoney Orobearzumae]]

Their political platform includes the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Leadership''' ===

The following are the current elected leaders of the Feasozobearzuma Party:

'''Feasox Contingent:''' 
Skang Alpha: [[Jaggers Pawtucket]] 
Skang Beta: Kanilys

'''Feazox Contingent:''' 
Skangz Alpha: [[Jaggerz]]

'''Honey Bear Cat Contingent:''' 
Clutter Alpha: [[Jaggsie]]

'''Montehoney Orobearzuma Contingent:''' 
Flutter Alpha: [[Jaggsiezuma]]

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

[[Image:Rivalry.jpg|thumb|Global Erradication of Spotted Hyenas in progress]]

On June 1, 2006, the Feasox War Council unanimously voted to declare evolutionary war on the following species:

1) Spotted Hyenas (''Crocuta crocuta'') 
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (''Feline leukemia virus'') 
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (''Feline immunodeficiency virus'') 
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (''Feline coronavirus'') 
5) Cat Fleas (''Ctenocephalides felis'') 
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (''Bartonella henselae'') 
7) American Cockroaches (''Periplaneta americana'') 
8) Mosquitoes (all species) 
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (''Solenopsis invicta'') 
10) Sudden Oak Death (''Phytophthora ramorum'') 

Their stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

NOTE: species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''War Breaks Out''' ===

[[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|A Feasox Training for War (art by Mary Minch)]]

Days after declaring evolutionary war with the spotted hyenas and the other 9 species listed in the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, the feasoxes quickly found themselves at odds with the foxes as well. Interspecies relations between the feasoxes and foxes rapidly deteriorated, and war was declared on June 17, 2006, after a reported sneak attack led by General Viqsi. Skang Alpha Jaggers' war declaration reads:

"June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species.
Led by General Viqsi, the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of Spotted Hyenas and the Empire of Foxes. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory..."

General [[Viqsi]]'s inciting act and subsequent response can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

=== '''The War Escalates''' ===

[[Image:Jaggbirth.jpg|thumb|A feasox under attack by mouse terrorists (art by Mary Minch)]]

On June 22, 2006, an emergency meeting was held between leaders of various interested species, including the feasoxes, [[honey bear cat]]s, [[kitsune]]s, [[equine]]s, [[avian]]s, and [[wolves]]. The goal of this meeting was to negotiate peace. However, the attempt was an absolute disaster, and after hours of bitter argument, it only served to fuel the anger.

Following this meeting, the Equine Assembly, led by Premiere [[Bard]], voted to ally themselves with the foxes and spotted hyenas to "protect our friends from feasox aggression".

Almost immediately, the Avian Federation, thanks to close ties with both the feasoxes and montehoney orobearzumae, declared alliance with the Feasozobearzuma Alliance. In a demonstration of unity with the feasox cause, the leaders of the Avian Federation voted Kanilys, Skang Beta of the Feasox Nation, to also serve as Flight Leader for their own war effort.

Meanwhile, the wolves, under pressure from both sides, reluctantly maintained neutrality in the war. The kitsunes also declared themselves neutral and distanced themselves from the warring fox species, denouncing them as "renegade factions".

=== '''The Warring Factions''' ===

To date, the warring factions include:

==== The Feasozobearzuma Alliance: ====
The Feasox Nation 
The Feazox Nation 
The Honey Bear Republic 
The Montehoney Orobearzuma Union 
The Avian Federation

==== The Defense League: ====
The Kingdom of Spotted Hyenas 
The Empire of Foxes 
The Equine Assembly 
The Mouse Kind

'''Officially Neutral Species:''' 
Arctic Foxes 
Kitsunes 
Wolves

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from The Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Book, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

AMENDMENT OF 11/01/07:
"The month of November is now officially "Feasox Appreciation Month". To celebrate the greatness of feasoxes, the universe has agreed to gather all its energies one month each year so that it may support limitless feasoxes."

== Notable Feasoxes ==

The following is a list of all known individuals who have ever been a feasox:

Past Superficial Feasoxes: [[CathyOak]], [[Koldsteel]], [[Raven]], [[Dratter]], [[Bren Derlin]], [[Mary Mouse]], [[Johnny Tanuki]], [[Kattywampus]]

True Feasoxes: [[Jaggers Pawtucket]] and [[Kanilys]]

== Sources ==
* Most research conducted in questioning of [http://transform.to/~jaggers/ Jaggers Pawtucket]
* Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox]
* "How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever" by [[Channing]]; used with permission
* Terrorist attack, FeasoxNERF, and Feasoxes images created by [[Mary Minch]]; used with permission
* Other images created by [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]; used with permission

User talk:DuncanDaHusky

2019-07-03T06:29:51Z

Kanilas: Deleting an account

{{User talk:DuncanDaHusky/Header}}
== '''The Furry Portal''' revert ==

Why the revert on [[The Furry Portal]]? All I did was change the Category: entries so this would be alphabetized under 'Furry' instead of 'The' in the category listings where it appears.

:Sorry, I should have added an explanation onto that. I reverted it because I didn't think that category tags could be manipulated in that manner with the pipe character. Now that I check the [http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Category#Order_of_the_lists.3B_setting_sort_keys help info on Category tags], I see that I was incorrect. Sorry about that! I'll revert my revert :-) (Incidentally, you can "sign" comments by adding <nowiki>--~~~~</nowiki> after your comments)--[[User:DuncanDaHusky|Duncan da Husky]] 20:38, 24 February 2006 (UTC)

== Yeesh ==

Sure, I checked to see if there was a '''Holland''' category, but I didn't check just '''Netherlands'''. Ah, well...

Oh, while I'm here: did you see my comment about inputboxes over at [[WikiFur:Help Desk#Page_creation|Help Desk]]? That seems a useful thing to implement, but I'm guessing it requires some sysop-level tinkering to make it available on WikiFur. --[[User:DuncanDaHusky|Duncan da Husky]] 16:23, 30 March 2006 (UTC)

:I did see that, yes. Something to strongly consider (I think that given this and other comments, Community Central needs reworking again :-). It shouldn't require sysop tinkering, though . . . as long as it's installed, and I think it is for all Wikia, anyone can setup pages using it. --{{UT|GreenReaper}} 09:25, 31 March 2006 (UTC)

== Reading articles ==

I ''did'' read the first line! Besides, some of the most (in)famous members of our fandom are convicted criminals. ;-)

They also had a variety of false hits for David Simpson. No wonder he always uses D. C. --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 14:24, 11 April 2006 (UTC)

==Replies==

I replied to you, on my page. I thought I might say something here so you got the notification for it. ;3 --[[User:Banrai|Banrai]]

Thank you for the warm welcome! =^_^= --[[User:Frizzy|Frizzy]] 18:05, 18 April 2006 (UTC)

== - mongoose - ==

Yeah i saw you floating about (in RC), hit your user page, saw that you were 'usually' on morning RC ... at least I finally found a place that's as easy as 'furry' in the browser. Yay. I'm pretty much never trollish, unless it's a joke that would be WP:bjaodn'ish stuff. Any known controversies over random P2P images? -- [[User:Mongoose|Mongoose]] 13:37, 20 April 2006 (UTC)

:Well, to the best of my knowledge the issue hasn't come up. From my experiences outside of wikis, I would view anything that came from P2P with a jaundiced eye with regards to copyright; unless something expressly accompanies the image saying it was public domain, I would doubt it should be considered freely distributable. However, I'm not the copyright expert around here, and I tend to leave that for some of the other [[WikiFur:Administrators|admins]] here. (Aside: Man, I had never looked at [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense|WP:bjaodn]] before. There's some pretty funny stuff there.)----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 13:55, 20 April 2006 (UTC)

== All done editing :) ==

Tidy as you feel needed :)

== Transformation ==

I'm reasonably sure that [http://en.wikifur.com/w/index.php?title=Transformation&diff=prev&oldid=57531 this] is actually correct, if badly formatted and perhaps not completely relevant to this wiki. See [http://metamedia.stanford.edu/traumwerk/index.php/More%20Dragons%20in%20Northumbria here] for the rhyme. --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 18:45, 10 May 2006 (UTC)

:I did get a indeed get a positive hit for the rhyme, but Google turned up nothing relevant for Lanelet, Elidia, Zaikhoeven, or "Duncan Frasier" and "Robert Lambe". I tried several different spelling variants and still came up with nothing. Now, I'm willing to grant that Google is not actually the sum of ''all'' knowledge, but the lack of hits and the near-unreadability of the edit makes me suspicious. ----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 18:54, 10 May 2006 (UTC)

::Duncan Frasier is cited as the author of the rhyme in the above link. Robert Lambe is likely to be [http://www.exploreberwick.co.uk/ArtsInBerwick/Legends/3_03.htm this guy].

::There does seem to be some confusion in online sources about who wrote the item and when it was written. Don't suppose you know any medieval historians? :-) --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 19:10, 10 May 2006 (UTC)

:::I've done some further research and I think I see the problem: it's written in the arcane and byzantine languange of ''academese'', a language I'm afraid I lost my fluency in years ago (and besides, I only ever spoke technical academese - I think it relates to Liberal Arts academese like Classical Latin to Vulgate Latin :-) I'll warrant that it was a valid edit, but written so impenetrably I would question its value. I've found a couple of useful links that might help; I'll probably poke at it a bit more tonight.----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 19:17, 10 May 2006 (UTC)

== Feasox Article ==

Hello Duncan!

Thanks for the heads up. Personally, I don't know the policies (I admit I haven't looked them up before), and I have no idea was user space is... :P So I have not intention to mess with it any more. I'll probably just save it and put it elsewhere for amusement's sake.

Anyhow, before you delete it you should ask [deleted user] about it. He made it in the first place so it probably means more to him than me...

Okay seeya!

-Jaggs

While I was aware that the article was moved back at the time it happened, it has occured to me that because the apparant reason was that the Feasox is a fictional creature with a fictional history, others are as well. A few examples of these being the [[chakat]] and the [[folf]] which both have dedicated mainspace pages.

While I'm not trying to rock the boat here, it seems that there is a discression in policy. Is it because the Feasox is not as widely known throughout the net? As far as policies go, what does it lack, or have which disqualifies it from the mainspace? As creator of the majority of the page, my curiosity just wants to know.

Thanks!

-[deleted user]

:Hi there! This is certainly a reasonable question. The biggest problem I see with the article isn't so much that it's a fictional species - that's no big deal (see [[chakat]]) - or even that the usage is limited, though that certainly factors in. The biggest problem is that the article reads as a big in-joke, with behaviors of individuals being attributed to characteristics of the species. If it were moved to the main article space, the article would need to be more concise and encyclopedic; this means that a great deal of fluff would be cut and the article would be whittled down to bare bones. Sections like "Purr exchange rate", "Feasox History and Folklore", and "Feasox Politics and Current Events" (among others) would likely be cut completely. While it's reasonable to have some fictional background for a species, fictional stories don't really have a place in the main article space. Since someone obviously put a bit of effort into writing all that, I thought it would better to preserve it by moving it to the User: article space.

:I hope that clarifies things a bit for you. ----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 12:38, 28 July 2006 (UTC)

== Minor Bug on Recent Changes page ==

Howdy! I just noticed a small bug on the Recent Changes page. At the top of the page (at least according my my preferences), it reads:

Below are the last 200 changes in the last 7 days, as of $3.

I'm thinking that that "$3" is a variable that isn't being called correctly. It's obviously a minor thing, but something I thought might be a quick fix if you've got the permissions.----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 16:11, 29 June 2006 (UTC)

:Yeah. It's been like that since we upgraded to 1.7 alpha. It's a known bug, but it was low priority for the Wikia guys. I'll have a chat with them and see if it's a quick fix. If not, it can be removed by editing [[MediaWiki:Rcnote]]. --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 16:27, 29 June 2006 (UTC)

==Easy on the trigger finger, there!==
I just restored [[Morwa Lugis DragonCrypt]]; it does actually have some furry content since the animations are about animal-human transformations (tf). On a more important note, it looks like you added a SpeedyDelete at 22:00 last night, then deleted it at 22:45. Please remember that, in WikiFur terms, "speedy" is a relative thing. There is very rarely a need for anything to happen RIGHT NOW; if you put a SpeedyDelete template on an article, I usually give it at least 24 hours if not 48 or 72 hours for others to comment and agree or disagree on the SpD. If no one comments in that time, or if there's agreement, off it goes! ----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 12:38, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
:I only deleted that one so quickly because I honestly thought it had nothing specifically to do with furry more than any other video editing software did (such as Photoshop isn't added even though most furry artists use it), as well as the fact that it was poorly written. [[User:SpazKitty|Spaz Kitty]] 20:49, 7 July 2006 (UTC)

== 2006 Ursa Major Awards voting is now open ==

[[News:2006 Ursa Major Awards voting is now open|Nice post]] - thanks for taking the time to get them all down! --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 04:21, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

== Rollback ==

Is there a precedent, discussed by the community somewhere, that I can look at about this? '''[[User:Blast|Bl]][[User_talk:Blast|a]][[User:Blast|st]]''' 21.03.07 1311 (UTC)

:The precedent is all around you, but particularly at [[:Category:People]] (it's also noted at [[WikiFur:About]]). WikiFur is about the furry fandom. The furry fandom contains people. The people in it are therefore a valid topic for main-namespace articles. Our bar for notability is that a person is a member of the furry fandom. Therefore, the categories (and much of the information on [[User:Blast]]) should in fact be on [[Blast]]. You can link the pages with the {{tl|Contributor}} and {{tl|ContributorU}} templates. --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 13:18, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

:For a few more examples of this, check out the user pages linked at [[WikiFur:Administrators]]. Most of those people also have pages about themselves. In practice, many users do not have anything but the {{tl|ContributorU}} template link on their user page, added by another user. --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 13:36, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

== Iron Artist and ArtSpots ==

Rather than get into a silly edit war: my problem is that I'm not clear what the relationship is between an art competition that takes place at FC and an online art gallery, particularly when there's nothing in either article that ties it to the other. What is it that I'm missing?----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 14:09, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

:Seurat the Cheetah Artiste hosts both of them. I can probably dig up the old event tapes and flyers that show Iron Artist being an ArtSpots event before the modern incarnation of the site came online. :) Even the 2007 flyers had Seurat and ArtSpots' URL on them. ----[[User:Higgins|Higgins]]([[User talk:Higgins|talk]]) 14:18, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

::OK, that's cool - I haven't had the opportunity to attend FC, so I wondered if something like that might be the case. What we need to do then is to add info to the both articles explaining the connection (and hey, maybe this might lead to an article about Seurat, who I note is not linked in the ArtSpots article :-)----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 14:32, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

== Matthew Joseph Harrington ==

Thanks for the explanation of the edit. It was courteous and sensible, and made a nice change; over at Wikipedia I'd settle for lucid. [[User:Matthew Joseph Harrington|Matthew Joseph Harrington]] 01:13, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

==Guidelines regarding external links==

Thanks for the reply; the talk page post was also out of curiosity since it was my first news contribution. I myself tend to lean towards linking everything to be informative, but sometimes teetering on information overload. =^_^= --[[User:Frizzy|Frizzy]] 22:56, 20 April 2007 (UTC)

:I do the same, particularly in my LJ. I get teased about it a lot :-) I'm slowly learning that wikis are not necessarily web pages, though, and what works for one doesn't always work for the other. But, in the case of weird in-between stuff like News pages, maybe a synthesis of the two is better. I really need to read more WikiNews articles and see what format they use there - that's probably a good guideline to go by.----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 23:05, 20 April 2007 (UTC)

== Therianthropy ==

I don't think theriantemple is a good link. There are concerns about the site covered in [[Therian Temple]]. Plus I just don't think it's a very informative site for someone new to the topic. --[[User:Rat|Rat]] 00:04, 21 April 2007 (UTC)

:Ah, I see. I was going from a quick review of the edit history for [[Therianthropy]] and hadn't checked [[Therian Temple]]. After looking at the Therian Temple site, I have to say I'm more amused than anything; I'd rank it up there with Scientology, only with less compelling marketing. I agree, though, that the link shouldn't be there.----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 03:09, 21 April 2007 (UTC)

== ? ==

On "http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Koogy", you have "citation needed". What exactly is needed? I understand your website is about accuracy, but this is simply a fursona profile. I do not want to submit images that "prove" anything. I'd rather keep my entire profile humorous, as is my personality.{{Unsigned|209.78.19.172}}

:I would direct you to [[WikiFur:What WikiFur is#WikiFur is about furries and the furry fandom|What WikiFur is]], where WikiFur policy is stated:
{{q|In order for WikiFur to remain a useful resource for information, though, these articles need to be factual and concise. Articles which are written for humor value or are lacking in reliable, documentable sources are likely to be edited for accuracy, or if the information is not documentable, deleted altogether.}}

:I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if I may be of further service.----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 12:58, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

:If you have a need for humour, you are welcome to create an account and make a humourous page at [[User:Koogy]], which is the page "from" you. This isn't MySpace, though, and so we'd rather it stayed off the main page, which is ''about'' you. It wouldn't be appropriate for Wikipedia articles about comedians to be full of jokes just because the people they were describing were comedians, and the same principle applies here. "If you poured all of the world's gold, platinum and diamonds into a wedding cake mold, it would only compare to 5% of Koogy's intensity." is such a statement. At best, it is unattributed opinion. --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 14:02, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

== Re: drink ==

Ah thanks. Didn't know the sections were split up like that. Hard to tell! Anyways, you should try one sometime, delish!

== Comah Article ==

Hey there, I am the subject/creator of the article entitled "Comah" and would like to be unexcluded, if at all possible. {{unsigned|Longi}}

Heyas! :) I just edited my page. I think I have all the code right :) does it need to be approved before is shows? {{unsigned|TygerCowboy}}
:(Answered in your talk page) --[[User:Mwalimu|mwalimu]] 22:27, 10 August 2010 (UTC)

== Brad Austin ==

Brad Austin died on April 24th, 2014. He was 45.

Tim Gadd

User talk:Jpawtucket

2019-07-03T06:26:41Z

Kanilas: Removing username to delete account

Hi there, Jpawtucket, and welcome to WikiFur! Thank you for your recent contributions - [[User talk:GreenReaper|let me know]] if you need any [[help]] not already provided. :-) --[[User:GreenReaper|GreenReaper]]([[User talk:GreenReaper|talk]]) 15:34, 21 June 2006 (UTC)

=Feasox Article=
While the information in the article [[Feasox]] is entertaining, I would direct you to our policies, specifically in [[WikiFur:What WikiFur is|What WikiFur is]]:

''If you have humorous or non-factual information you would like to provide, provide a forum for commentary about yourself or your project, or wish to provide other non-encyclopedic information (within existing WikiFur policies and the boundaries of good taste), you are welcome to create a WikiFur account and post that in the User: namespace pages.''

If you wish to move the article to the User namespace, you are welcome to do so; otherwise the article will be deleted. ----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 11:56, 22 June 2006 (UTC)

:Hello Duncan!

:Thanks for the heads up. Personally, I don't know the policies (I admit I haven't looked them up before), and I have no idea was user space is... :P So I have not intention to mess with it any more. I'll probably just save it and put it elsewhere for amusement's sake.

:Anyhow, before you delete it you should ask [deleted user] about it. He made it in the first place so it probably means more to him than me...{{Unsigned|Jpawtucket}}

::Sure, it's no problem. A good example of putting an article in the User space is one that I put together: [[User:DuncanDaHusky/Midwest FurFest 2005 Registration Report]]. To make something like this, it's easy: simply click on a link like [[User:Jpawtucket/Feasox]] (or modify the URL similarly) and you're given a page that is (not surprisingly) blank, but you can edit it - and thus you create an article in the User space. Ta da! :-)

::I will drop [deleted user] a line about the article as well - thanks for the suggestion! ----[[User:DuncanDaHusky|DuncanDaHusky]]([[User talk:DuncanDaHusky|talk]]) 18:27, 22 June 2006 (UTC)

:::Alrighty, that was easy. Thanks!
----{{Unsigned|Jpawtucket}}

== Image:Avianfed.gif ==

Hello Jpawtucket,

This is in regards to ''[[:Image:Avianfed.gif]]''. It has not been tagged with a copyright status. This can be a complicated area, so I can try to help if you need any. The Wikipedia [[Wikipedia:WP:IUP|Image use policy]] may give some background, but it isn't policy here.

To deal with this image, there are a few choices:

* If you are the copyright holder, release it under a free license, for example:
** [[Wikipedia:Public domain|Public domain]] <nowiki>{{PDImage}}</nowiki>
** [[Wikipedia:Creative Commons|Creative Commons]] Attribution-ShareAlike <nowiki>{{Cc-by-sa-2.5}}</nowiki>
** [[Wikipedia:GFDL|GFDL]] <nowiki>{{GFDL}}</nowiki>
* If you are asserting that this image is usable under fair use, add an appropriate fair use tag. A very basic summary is that fair use is used for commentary, criticism and review on the image when no free image could be used instead. Some fair use tags are:
** Logos: <nowiki>{{logo}}</nowiki>
** Covers: <nowiki>{{Cover}}</nowiki>
** Comic panels: <nowiki>{{Comic-panel}}</nowiki>
* If the image is already under a free license, provide information on the license, and tag the image if you can.
* If you would like the image to be deleted, ask any [[WikiFur:Administrators|administrator]]

To see a list of current copyright tags available on WikiFur, see [[:Category:Image copyright tags]]
If the copyright status is not resolved, the image may be deleted.

Unless you have a question for me specifically, I'd prefer responses on the page for the image. --[[User:Rat|Rat]] 02:59, 23 November 2006 (UTC)

== Image:Feazoxes.gif ==

Hello Jpawtucket,

This is in regards to ''[[:Image:Feazoxes.gif]]''. It has not been tagged with a copyright status. This can be a complicated area, so I can try to help if you need any. The Wikipedia [[Wikipedia:WP:IUP|Image use policy]] may give some background, but it isn't policy here.

To deal with this image, there are a few choices:

* If you are the copyright holder, release it under a free license, for example:
** [[Wikipedia:Public domain|Public domain]] <nowiki>{{PDImage}}</nowiki>
** [[Wikipedia:Creative Commons|Creative Commons]] Attribution-ShareAlike <nowiki>{{Cc-by-sa-2.5}}</nowiki>
** [[Wikipedia:GFDL|GFDL]] <nowiki>{{GFDL}}</nowiki>
* If you are asserting that this image is usable under fair use, add an appropriate fair use tag. A very basic summary is that fair use is used for commentary, criticism and review on the image when no free image could be used instead. Some fair use tags are:
** Logos: <nowiki>{{logo}}</nowiki>
** Covers: <nowiki>{{Cover}}</nowiki>
** Comic panels: <nowiki>{{Comic-panel}}</nowiki>
* If the image is already under a free license, provide information on the license, and tag the image if you can.
* If you would like the image to be deleted, ask any [[WikiFur:Administrators|administrator]]

To see a list of current copyright tags available on WikiFur, see [[:Category:Image copyright tags]]
If the copyright status is not resolved, the image may be deleted.

Unless you have a question for me specifically, I'd prefer responses on the page for the image. --[[User:Rat|Rat]] 10:00, 26 November 2006 (UTC)

== Image:Jaggbirth.jpg ==

[[:Image:Jaggbirth.jpg]] needs a copyright tag, same reasons as the previous ones. --[[User:Rat|Rat]] 05:33, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

== [[:Image:Nice.jpg]] ==

Sorry to bother you again; [[:Image:Nice.jpg]] needs a copyright tag too. --[[User:Rat|Rat]] 05:36, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

== Image:Feasoxes.jpg ==

[[:Image:Feasoxes.jpg]] needs a copyright tag as well. --[[User:Rat|Rat]] 21:29, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

User talk:DuncanDaHusky

2006-07-28T06:26:02Z

Kanilas: Re: Feaosx Article

User:Jpawtucket/Feasox

2006-07-19T05:53:38Z

Kanilas: Changed "True Feasoxes"

The feasox is an extremely rare, endangered hybrid species. They are currently at evolutionary war with the [[spotted hyena]]s, [[fox]]es, [[equines]], and nine other species.

Their exact origins are quite mysterious. While their appearance suggests a mixture of both fox and weasel genes, their mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a both fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, one must simply accept that the feasox is a very complex being.

[[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers Pawtucket]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how one would describe the feasox shown above:

[[Jaggers Pawtucket]] is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

However, appearances can, and typically do, vary by individual.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (combination of Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasoxes"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (combination of Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes (combination of "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Feasox Likes and Dislikes ==

=== Likes ===

Feasoxes thrive on attention. The greatest pleasure for a feasox is being petted, hugged, snuggled, scritchied, cuddled, and/or cherished. Feasoxes are rarely reluctant to demand such affections, because they feel entitled to them. When recieved, feasoxes typically reward the provider with purrs.

Feasoxes like to pounce, as a greeting or simply for personal enjoyment. A general rule of thumb by which feasoxes live by is if they can get away with it, then there is nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!!

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is one of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. They usually find the ears and tails to be the most chewable of body parts. However, feasoxes have instinctively learned that a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may cease to cooperate.

Feasoxes also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Feasoxes especially love balls. They enjoy playing with anything that is round, bouncy, and roll-able.

Feasoxes are proud of the fact they they are extremely rare, and they are quick to defend themselves if their species comes under scrutiny. In general, they believe themselves to be superior to all other forms of life.

=== Dislikes ===

A feasox's greatest dislike is being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. For example, a feasox may roll on his back and 'show his paws' to a potential attention supplier in an effort to demonstrate his cuteness and melt the individual into providing affection.

Feasoxes are also very sensitive to being tickled. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this weakness against a feasox, to which they respond by squirming or curling into a tight little ball. However, if tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is usually tolerated.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

=== General Mannerisms ===

In addition to using purrs to reward others, feasoxes also purr spontaneously when they are happy. The more happy they are, the more powerful the purr. When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasoxes are aware that they are extremely adorable, and they have no qualms about using this to their advantage.

Meowing is very useful to feasoxes. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used mannerisms to earn attention include poking, tugging, and of course, chewing and nibbling. Biting also works, but usually only as a last resort. Nosing and nuzzling works well for getting attention also, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles are often used to express affection.

Squirming is also a common behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and earning affection.

The feasox's ears are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox is at its happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasoxes can also control their ears to conciously exaggerate their desires.

=== Purr Exchange Rate ===

Purrs are a feasox's primary means of rewarding individuals for providing affection. Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. When they are especially happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

The following is the feasox-sponsored exchange rate of various forms of affection for 1 standard feasox purr. Note however, that in the real world, the value of the feasox purr has been grossly undervalued.

100,000 pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 scritchies = 1 purr 
1,000 cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others have been accepted as well.

== Feasox History and Folklore==

While most of the feasox history is a mystery, most of what we do know was written in The Book of Feasox. Below are a some examples feasox history and folklore, including a tale detailing how their close relatives, the [[feazox]]es, came to be.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 8''

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''The Tale of Canis: Creation of the Canine''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 13''

"Gather with me little kittens, around the Story Tree, which was blessed twenty centuries ago by the king of trees, Lord Quercis himself.

Last time we met I told you the tale of Homonis, how he betrayed Queen Felis, the Moon Goddess and creator of all cats, and how Homonis was punished by being changed into the first of man, a creature whose lineage would forever be cursed to serve feline kind and provide us with food, warmth, and shelter. Tonight, under the glorious moon, I shall tell you the story of Homonis' second in command and most loyal ally, Canis.

Years following the downfall of Homonis, Canis continued, in secret, to serve his former master, despite the Moon Goddess' declaration that no feline would ever be subservient to Homonis or any of this progeny. Canis dwelled in the house of Homonis, fetched objects at his orders, licked his hand, begged for food, and performed tricks and played games for Homonis' amusement. Canis had thus forsaken feline dignity, turning his energies instead to blind loyalty to human kind. Quickly Canis became fat and lazy in this sheltered life, and all the while his own mother, the Moon Goddess Queen Felis, was ignorant of the happenings, for her gaze could not penetrate the cold rocky barriers of Homonis' artificial dwelling.

But then one day Canis woke up to a familiar aroma coming from just outside the house. Canis had not forgotten the delicious smell of catnip, and temptation led him to stray outside the protection of the human dwelling in search of the aroma's origin. The origin, he found, was coming from a nearby oak tree, way up high were he could not see. He promptly climbed up the tree, all the way up to its highest branch, where he discovered a mockingbird's nest. It contained three newborn eggs, and amongst the twigs and leaves making up the nest he found a catnip branch. With deft paws and little hesitation, Canis quickly removed the catnip, holding it up to his nose and savoring its smells and sweet juices. When suddenly and unexpectantly, the mother, who had been off foraging, returned and swooped in with a raucous caw and savagely pecked repeatedly at his forehead. Surprised and dazzled, Canis mewed in pain and dropped the catnip, down into the thick foliage of a briar patch. In a bout of anger and retribution, Canis swatted the bird away and quickly seized one of the eggs within his maw. He hurried down the tree and fled into the house, taking the egg inside with him.

Later that night, the mother mockingbird flew down to the window where Canis slept and pled for the return of her offspring. Unwavering, Canis refused and insisted that a deal be made for the baby's life. He demanded that the mockingbird fetch him a year's supply of catnip, after which he would return her child. He swore he would keep the egg warm and in good condition until the deal was done. To this the mockingbird agreed.

Over the course of three weeks the mockingbird labored nonstop doing Canis' bidding, until finally she had fetched him enough catnip to last nearly two years. But when it came time for her to reclaim the egg, Canis confessed that he had long ago devoured it and had simply taken advantage of her skills for obtaining catnip. Remorselessly, and without apology or thanks, Canis leaped back into the house to bask in the fruits of his treachery. Left in grief, the mother mockingbird returned to her nest after long absence only to find that her negligence had rendered her eggs dead; for none of them would ever hatch.

For three days the mockingbird mourned her loss, crying from each sunrise and until the night came and exhaustion overtook her. Way up in the clouds, where the gods reside, Lord Quercis sensed her suffering through the very bark of the oak which held the nest. With great concern he descended down into the oak and asked the mockingbird why she cried so terribly. She told him the tale of how she was wronged by Canis and how he killed her three only offspring.

In disgust and anger, Lord Quercis sped back up into the clouds. He sought out Queen Felis and demanded that the murderous cat be punished. Torn between her anger over the mistreatment of another being and the love for her mortal son, the Moon Goddess reluctantly agreed to banish Canis from the kingdom of cats. This was a verdict of such magnitude that not even the walls of Homonis' home could protect Canis from. Curled up in pain, Canis whimpered as he could feel his body changing. His body became larger and more muscular, losing the graceful sleekness and flexibility so prized by feline kind. His fur became courser and his tail stiffer. His snout grew longer and his teeth and jaws more ruthless, reducing him to growls and barks and incapable of feline talk. He lost his sense to see in the dark, and Queen Felis took away his ability to conceal his claws, serving as a constant badge for his violent and cruel nature. She also made him incapable of climbing trees, such that he could never molest bird kind ever again. Finally, perhaps worst of all, she made him insensitive to the smell of catnip and unable to enjoy the pleasures of its sweet nectar. In his great grief, Canis howled a mournful cry so loud it was heard by all cats everywhere.

Such is the story of Canis and the creation of the canine folk. To this day his descendents continue to serve humankind with dumb loyalty. However they have not forgotten what happened to Canis and all that was lost. In hatred to Lord Quercis, the director of Queen Felis' wrath, the canines urinate on trees with every given opportunity. And when the Queen Felis' gaze is largest, and the moon is brightest, they howl in agony, pleading to the Moon Goddess to take pity upon them and allow them to return to the kingdom of cats. It is thus through envy and jealously that the canines carry so much contempt for us felines, and is why we must always be careful when in their presence.

Now, my little ones, go back to your comfortable homes and sleep, and dream of the tales I have told you."

=== '''The Origin of the Spotted Hyena''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 21''

"There once was a litter of wild dogs. Like any other litter, there was a single runt of a pup who was too small and fragile to wrestle away any food from his brothers and sisters. This runt would have surely died had the god Zeus, in the form of a giraffe, not happened to pass by.

Zeus felt pity for this little runt and gave him ugly looking polka dots and a terrible smell. The other pups, quite disgusted, all ran away and died in the desert. With the food all to himself, the runt with the ugly polka dots and a terrible smell flourished.

And that is how Spotted hyenas were created."

=== '''The Origin of the Fox''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 22''

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable AND kewl.

So kewl was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose.
"You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!"
Of course, Fox refused, and being super-kewl, stuck his tongue out at Apollo.
So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his kewlness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like kewlness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward.

And that is how foxes were created."

=== '''How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever''' ===
''A feazox folktale, scribed by Channing''

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''The Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasoxes are members of the Feasozobearzuma Party, a political alliance between the feasoxes, [[feazox]]es, [[honey bear cat]]s, and [[montehoney orobearzuma]]e.

[[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasoxes, Feazoxes, Honey Bear Cats, and Montehoney Orobearzumae]]

Their political platform includes the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Leadership''' ===

The following are the current elected leaders of the Feasozobearzuma Party:

'''Feasox Contingent:''' 
Skang Alpha: [[Jaggers Pawtucket]] 
Skang Beta: [[Kanilas]]

'''Feazox Contingent:''' 
Skangz Alpha: [[Jaggerz]]

'''Honey Bear Cat Contingent:''' 
Clutter Alpha: [[Jaggsie]]

'''Montehoney Orobearzuma Contingent:''' 
Flutter Alpha: [[Jaggsiezuma]]

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

On June 1, 2006, the Feasox War Council unanimously voted to declare evolutionary war on the following species:

1) Spotted Hyenas (''Crocuta crocuta'') 
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (''Feline leukemia virus'') 
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (''Feline immunodeficiency virus'') 
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (''Feline coronavirus'') 
5) Cat Fleas (''Ctenocephalides felis'') 
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (''Bartonella henselae'') 
7) American Cockroaches (''Periplaneta americana'') 
8) Mosquitoes (all species) 
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (''Solenopsis invicta'') 
10) Sudden Oak Death (''Phytophthora ramorum'') 

Their stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

NOTE: species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''War Breaks Out''' ===

[[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|A Feasox Training for War]]

Days after declaring evolutionary war with the spotted hyenas and the other 9 species listed in the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, the feasoxes quickly found themselves at odds with the foxes as well. Interspecies relations between the feasoxes and foxes rapidly deteriorated, and war was declared on June 17, 2006, after a reported sneak attack led by General Viqsi. Skang Alpha Jaggers' war declaration reads:

"June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species.
Led by General Viqsi, the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of Spotted Hyenas and the Empire of Foxes. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory..."

General [[Viqsi]]'s inciting act and subsequent response can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

=== '''The War Escalates''' ===

[[Image:Avianfed.gif|frame|Official Emblem of the Avian Federation]]

On June 22, 2006, an emergency meeting was held between leaders of various interested species, including the feasoxes, [[honey bear cat]]s, [[kitsune]]s, [[equine]]s, [[avian]]s, and [[wolves]]. The goal of this meeting was to negotiate peace. However, the attempt was an absolute disaster, and after hours of bitter argument, it only served to fuel the anger.

Following this meeting, the Equine Assembly, led by Premiere [[Bard]], voted to ally themselves with the foxes and spotted hyenas to "protect our friends from feasox aggression".

Almost immediately, the Avian Federation, thanks to close ties with both the feasoxes and montehoney orobearzumae, declared alliance with the Feasozobearzuma Alliance. In a demonstration of unity with the feasox cause, the leaders of the Avian Federation voted Kanilas, Skang Beta of the Feasox Nation, to also serve as Flight Leader for their own war effort.

Meanwhile, the wolves, under pressure from both sides, reluctantly maintained neutrality in the war. The kitsunes also declared themselves neutral and distanced themselves from the warring fox species, denouncing them as "renegade factions".

=== '''The Warring Factions''' ===

[[Image:Feazoxes.gif|frame|Feazox Commandos in Battle]]

To date, the warring factions include:

==== The Feasozobearzuma Alliance: ====
The Feasox Nation 
The Feazox Nation 
The Honey Bear Republic 
The Montehoney Orobearzuma Union 
The Avian Federation

==== The Defense League: ====
The Kingdom of Spotted Hyenas 
The Empire of Foxes 
The Equine Assembly

'''Officially Neutral Species:''' 
Arctic Foxes 
Kitsunes 
Wolves

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from The Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Book, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Notable Feasoxes ==

The following is a list of all known individuals who have ever been a feasox:

Past Superficial Feasoxes: [[CathyOak]], [[Michael Bard]], [[Koldsteel]], [[Raven]], [[Dratter]], [[Bren Derlin]]

True Feasoxes: [[Jaggers Pawtucket]] and [[Kanilas]]

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [http://transform.to/~jaggers/ Jaggers Pawtucket] 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever" by [[Channing]] 
FeasoxNERF and Jaggers Conbadge done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]
[[Category:Feline species]]

Feasox

2006-06-22T05:19:32Z

Kanilas: Fixed a minor spelling error.

The feasox is an extremely rare, endangered hybrid species. They are currently at evolutionary war with the [[fox]]es, [[spotted hyena]]s, and nine other species. Feasoxes are closely related to the [[feazox]]es.

Their exact origins are quite mysterious. While their appearance suggests a mixture of both fox and weasel genes, their mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a both fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, one must simply accept that the feasox is a very complex being.

[[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how one would describe the feasox shown above:

[[Jaggers Pawtucket]] is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

However, appearances can, and typically do, vary by individual.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (combination of Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasoxes"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (combination of Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes (combination of "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Feasox Likes and Dislikes ==

=== Likes ===

Feasoxes thrive on attention. The greatest pleasure for a feasox is delved from being petted, hugged, snuggled, scritchied, cuddled, and cherished. Feasoxes are rarely reluctant to demand such affections, because they feel entitled to them. When recieved, feasoxes typically reward the provider with purrs.

Feasoxes like to pounce, as a greeting or simply for personal enjoyment. A general rule of thumb by which feasoxes live by is if they can get away with it, then there is nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!!

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is one of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. They usually find the ears and tails to be the most chewable of body parts. However, feasoxes have instinctively learned that a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may cease to cooperate.

Feasoxes also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Feasoxes especially love balls. They enjoy playing with anything that is round, bouncy, and roll-able.

Feasoxes are proud of the fact they they are extremely rare, and they are quick to defend themselves if their species comes under scrutiny. In general, they believe themselves to be superior to all other forms of life.

=== Dislikes ===

A feasox's greatest dislike is being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. For example, a feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to demonstrate his cuteness and melt the individual into providing affection.

Feasoxes are also very sensitive to being tickled. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this weakness against a feasox, to which they respond by squirming or curling into a tight little ball. However, if tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is usually tolerated.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

=== General Mannerisms ===

In addition to using purrs to reward others, feasoxes also purr spontaneously when they are happy. The more happy they are, the more powerful the purr. When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasoxes are aware that they are extremely adorable, and they have no qualms about using this to their advantage.

Meowing is very useful to feasoxes. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used mannerisms to earn attention include poking, tugging, and of course, chewing and nibbling. Biting also works, but usually only as a last resort. Nosing and nuzzling works well for getting attention also, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles are often used to express affection.

Squirming is also a common behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and earning affection.

The feasox's ears are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox is at its happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasoxes can also control their ears to conciously exaggerate their desires.

=== Purr Exchange Rate ===

Purrs are a feasox's primary means of rewarding individuals for providing affection. Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. When they are especially happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

The following is the feasox-sponsored exchange rate of various forms of affection for 1 standard feasox purr. Note however, that in the real world, the value of the feasox purr has been grossly undervalued.

100,000 pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 scritchies = 1 purr 
1,000 cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others have been accepted as well.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of feasoxes is a mystery, some bits are known. Below are a some examples feasox folklore, including a tale detailing how their close relatives, the [[feazox]]es, came to be.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
''From The Book of Feasox, Page 8''

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox Folktale

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasoxes are members of the Feasozobearzuma Party, a political alliance between the feasoxes, feazoxes, honey bear cats, and montehoney orobearzumae. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasoxes, Honey Bear Cats, Feazoxes, and Montehoney Orobearzumae]]

Their political platform includes the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

On June 1, 2006, the Feasox War Council unanimously voted to declare evolutionary war on the following species:

1) Spotted Hyenas (''Crocuta crocuta'') 
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (''Feline leukemia virus'') 
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (''Feline immunodeficiency virus'') 
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (''Feline coronavirus'') 
5) Cat Fleas (''Ctenocephalides felis'') 
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (''Bartonella henselae'') 
7) American Cockroaches (''Periplaneta americana'') 
8) Mosquitoes (all species) 
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (''Solenopsis invicta'') 
10) Sudden Oak Death (''Phytophthora ramorum'') 

Their stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

NOTE: species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''Evolutionary War''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

The feasoxes are currently in active war against the [[spotted hyena]]s and [[fox]]es (except Arctic foxes), which has pitted [[Jaggers Pawtucket]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]] and Sergeant [[Koldsteel]] of the foxes and spotted hyenas, respectively.

Days after declaring evolutionary war with the spotted hyenas and the other 9 species listed in the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, the feasoxes quickly found themselves at odds with the foxes as well. Interspecies relations between the feasoxes and foxes rapidly deteriorated, and war was declared on June 17, 2006, after a reported sneak attack led by General Viqsi. Jaggers' war declaration reads:

"June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species.
Led by General Viqsi, the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of Spotted Hyenas and the Empire of Foxes. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory..."

General [[Viqsi]]'s inciting act and subsequent response can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Book, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Notable Feasoxes ==

The following is a list of all known individuals who have ever been a feasox:

Past Superficial Feasoxes: [[CathyOak]], [[Michael Bard]], [[Koldsteel]], [[Raven]], [[Dratter]], [[Bren Derlin]]

True Feasoxes: [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]

True Feasoxes in Training: [[Kanilas]]

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [http://jaggers.livejournal.com Jaggers Pawtucket]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"Tale of the Feazox" by [[Channing]]. Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF and Jaggers ConBadge done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]
[[Category:Feline species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T06:13:31Z

Kanilas: /* Sources */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''War''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets, and in select cases, will their former status. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

(Note: Not all foxes are scheduled for extermination. Foxes who have been friends of feasoxes will be spared.)

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemur (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF and Jaggers ConBadge done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T06:09:57Z

Kanilas: /* Sources */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''War''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets, and in select cases, will their former status. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

(Note: Not all foxes are scheduled for extermination. Foxes who have been friends of feasoxes will be spared.)

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF and Jaggers ConBadge done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T05:35:01Z

Kanilas: /* '''War''' */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''War''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets, and in select cases, will their former status. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

(Note: Not all foxes are scheduled for extermination. Foxes who have been friends of feasoxes will be spared.)

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T05:31:44Z

Kanilas: /* '''WAR''' */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''War''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. (Note: Not all foxed are scheduled for extermination. Foxes who have been friends of feasoxes qill be spared.) War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets, and in select cases, will let the enemy retain their former status. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T05:30:12Z

Kanilas: /* '''WAR''' */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. (Note: Not all foxed are scheduled for extermination. Foxes who have been friends of feasoxes qill be spared.) War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T05:26:24Z

Kanilas: After many public requests, and outcry, this page has been removed.

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T05:17:24Z

Kanilas: /* '''How Foxes were created''' */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''How Foxes were created''' ===
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measly half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!). Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away most of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T04:45:09Z

Kanilas: /* Exchange Rate */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''How Foxes were created''' ===
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measly half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T04:44:59Z

Kanilas: /* Exchange Rate */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr 
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr 
10,000 Snuggles = 1 purr 
10,000 Scritches = 1 purr 
1,000 Cuddles = 1 purr 
1,000 Cherishings = 1 purr 
These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''How Foxes were created''' ===
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measly half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T04:36:21Z

Kanilas: /* Sources */

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritches = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''How Foxes were created''' ===
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measly half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]]. 
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox] 
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever' 
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]] 

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T04:34:34Z

Kanilas: Fixed a few spelling and grammatical errors. Added credits.

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kind of like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasel-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is derived from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem booster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend them if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very ticklish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is of their favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox develop an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also accepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritches = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the preferred forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble. Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are happiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exaggerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''How Foxes were created''' ===
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measly half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrades and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (We here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (A common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (A comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesy taste, the feazox's flavoring also lent to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow, the cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like you who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harrumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harrumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than whom!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots except for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines for Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphonic individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphonic"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General [[Viqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, and kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

== Sources ==
Most research conducted in questioning of [[Jaggers Pawtucket]].
Other material gathered from [http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/feasoxguide.html Jaggers Pawtucket's Guide to Being a Feasox]
"A Feazox Tale" by Chanlemue (a.k.a. Channing) Original title: 'How the Feazox Got His, Er, Whatever'
FeasoxNERF done by [[Mary Minch]]
[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T04:13:19Z

Kanilas: Updated images, fixed a few links.

{{Cleanup}}

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kinda like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasely-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

=== Likes ===
A main form of happiness of a feasox is deriven from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem boooster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend themselves if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very tickilish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

=== Dislikes ===

The greatest dislike of a feasox may be being ignored. Any lack of attention is known to drive a feasox to great lengths to attempt to get some form of satisfaction. A feasox may 'show his paws' to a potential "attention supplier" in an effort to be carried, scritched, etc.

=== Habits ===

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is their of our favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox devolep an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherrished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also excepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

=== Exchange Rate ===

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritchies = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the prefered forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble . Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are hapiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exagerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

=== '''How Foxes were created''' ===
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he, that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

=== '''The Second Felinoponnesian War''' ===
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrads and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

=== '''Tale of the Feazox''' ===
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (we here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (a common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (a comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesey taste, the feazox's flavoring also lended to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time. This time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow. The cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like yourselves who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than who!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots exept for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

=== '''Feasozobearzuma Party''' ===

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[Image:FeasoxParty.gif|frame|The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines For Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphoric individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

=== Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species ===

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

=== '''WAR''' === [[Image:FeasoxNERF.jpg|frame|Training for the war against Spotted Hyenas]]

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General V[[iqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

=== '''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' ===
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

File:FeasoxNERF.jpg

2006-06-20T03:48:43Z

Kanilas: Feasox war against hyenas.

== Summary ==
Feasox war against hyenas.
== Licensing ==
{{fursona}}

File:FeasoxParty.gif

2006-06-20T03:37:15Z

Kanilas: The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma

== Summary ==
The official party of the Feasox, Honey Bears, Feazox, and Montehoney Orobearzuma
== Licensing ==
{{logo}}

Feasox

2006-06-20T03:24:24Z

Kanilas: /* Feasox Spirituality */

{{Cleanup}}

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kinda like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasely-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

A main form of happiness of a feasox is deriven from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem boooster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend themselves if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very tickilish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is their of our favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox devolep an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherrished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also excepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritchies = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the prefered forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble . Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are hapiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exagerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

'''How Foxes were created'''
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he, that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

'''The Second Felinoponnesian War'''
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrads and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

'''Tale of the Feazox'''
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (we here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (a common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (a comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesey taste, the feazox's flavoring also lended to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time. This time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow. The cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like yourselves who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than who!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots exept for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/party2.gif|frame|The Feasozobearzuma Party's official logo]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines For Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphoric individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

'''WAR'''

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General V[[iqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

'''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' 
''From the Book of Feasox, Page 1''

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T03:24:06Z

Kanilas: /* Feasox Spirituality */

{{Cleanup}}

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kinda like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasely-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

A main form of happiness of a feasox is deriven from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem boooster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend themselves if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very tickilish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is their of our favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox devolep an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherrished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also excepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritchies = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the prefered forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble . Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are hapiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exagerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

'''How Foxes were created'''
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he, that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

'''The Second Felinoponnesian War'''
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrads and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

'''Tale of the Feazox'''
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (we here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (a common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (a comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesey taste, the feazox's flavoring also lended to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time. This time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow. The cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like yourselves who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than who!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots exept for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/party2.gif|frame|The Feasozobearzuma Party's official logo]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines For Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphoric individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

'''WAR'''

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General V[[iqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

'''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox''' 
From the Book of Feasox, Page 1

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T03:23:46Z

Kanilas: /* Feasox Spiritituality */

{{Cleanup}}

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kinda like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasely-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

A main form of happiness of a feasox is deriven from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem boooster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend themselves if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very tickilish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is their of our favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox devolep an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherrished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also excepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritchies = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the prefered forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble . Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are hapiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exagerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

'''How Foxes were created'''
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he, that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

'''The Second Felinoponnesian War'''
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrads and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

'''Tale of the Feazox'''
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (we here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (a common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (a comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesey taste, the feazox's flavoring also lended to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time. This time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow. The cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like yourselves who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than who!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots exept for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/party2.gif|frame|The Feasozobearzuma Party's official logo]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines For Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphoric individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

'''WAR'''

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General V[[iqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spirituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

'''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox'''
From the Book of Feasox, Page 1

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existence. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."

[[Category:Fictional hybrids]]
[[Category:Fox-hybrid species]]
[[Category:Mustelid species]]

Feasox

2006-06-20T02:32:20Z

Kanilas: Creation of the page. Main;y text, Images will soon follow.

A feasox is currently classified as a mythological creature. [[Image:http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/jaggers.jpg|frame|An example of a Feasox, Jaggers]]

== Feasox Appearance ==

As an example, this is how you would describe the Feasox above, Jaggers:

Jaggers is a feasox... with two arms, two legs, big black nose, muzzle, and long bent pointy ears with a neat chip in the right one. His long thick tail trails off into a point, kinda like a meerkat’s. His fur is mostly foxy-orange, with distinct shades of weasely-brown on the bottom half of his face, as well as on the tips of his ears, fingers, toes, and tail. His underbelly is white, and he's got some stylin black hair on top his head.

It is imperative to keep in mind that appearances can, and typically do vary by individual.

The exact origin of the feasox is mysterious, and while our appearance suggests a mixture of fox and weasel genes, our mannerisms are most similar to that of felines. Therefore the feasox is considered to be a fox/weasel hybrid '''and''' a feline at the same time. While this may be confusing, the feasox is a very complex being, and upon meeting one, will only make one attempt to explain this.

== Feasox Terminology ==

Common Name:
"Feasox" (Fox + Weasel)

Plural:
"Feasox"

Scientific Name:
Vultela fulnata (Vulpes fulva + Mustela frenata)

Full Taxonomy:
Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Felidae, Genus Vultela, Species fulnata

Collective Name:
a "skang" of feasoxes. (a "skulk" of foxes + a "gang" of weasels)

== Common likes and dislikes of a Feasox ==

A main form of happiness of a feasox is deriven from simply existing as a feasox. The fact that they are so rare is a great self-esteem boooster for a feasox. All feasox are extremely proud of their race, and are quick to defend themselves if they come under scrutiny.

A feasox is very tickilish. On occasion, an enemy will attempt to use this against a feasox, which results in the feasox becoming extremely agitated. If tickling is done in an affectionate manner, it is appreciated though.

Feasox also like to pounce, as a greeting or just for fun. A general rule of thumb which Feasox go by is that as long as they can get away with it, there's nothing wrong with amusing themselves at the expense of others. Pounces can also be used as a means of revenge and retaliation. The effectiveness of a pouncing for revenge or retaliation is greatest when accompanied by a GRRRR!!! The more aggressive *tackle* is also an option.

Feasox also enjoy poking and batting others on the ears, nose, and other extremities.

Balls are great for Feasox. They love playing with anything that's round and bouncy and roll-able.

Without a doubt, chewing and nibbling on things is their of our favorite habits, especially when performed on other individuals. Remember that ears and tails are the most chewable of body parts. Unfortunately, a certain level of restraint must constantly be maintained, otherwise the chewed-on party may stop cooperating. Feasox devolep an instinct over time on when to stop chewing temporarily, to maintain the longevity of the chew.

The greatest pleasure of Feasox is delved from being hugged and snuggled, scritched, cuddled, and cherrished. Feasox aren't afraid to demand them either, because they feel they deserve many of these. Pettings are also excepted. Feasox sometimes reward these efforts with a purr, which is expressed textual form as *PURRRRR!* Depending on the strength of a purr, any number of 'R's may be subtracted or added. The exchange rate of attention to 1 purr is as follows: (NOTE: Depending on the person, these values can fluctuate)

100,000 Pettings = 1 purr
100,000 Hugs = 1 purr
100,000 Snuggles = 1 purr
100,000 Scritchies = 1 purr
100,000 Cuddles = 1 purr
100,000 Cherishings = 1 purr

These are the prefered forms of attention, but others are accepted as well.

== Feasox Expressions and Behavior ==

When happy, they purr. When made spontaneously happy, they may (rarely) *RUMBLY PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

When sad or begging for something (such as a hug) they whimper or pout. Curling into a little ball also works very well. Feasox are extremely cute and adorable, and have no qualms about using that to their advantage.

Meowing is also a very useful tool to the feasox. It is commonly used spontaneously. More often though, they meow as a greeting or farewell, and more importantly, when they want attention. Other commonly used way to get attention in addition to meowing, are the poke, tug, and of course, chew or nibble . Biting also works, but only as a last resort. Nuzzling works well for getting attention too, and along with the purrrrr, nuzzles can also be used to express affection. Nosing is also used.

Squirming is also a common feasox behavior. They not only squirm to ward off tickling, but it is also a great technique for attention-grabbing and getting an upgrade from being merely hugged to being cuddled. Note that for the best tickle defense, curling into a ball is used.

The ears of a Feasox are very sensitive, both to touch and emotional state. The less happy a feasox is, the more folded the ears are. When the feasox are hapiest, the ears are fully erect. Feasox can also control their ears to exagerate their desires.

== Feasox History ==

While most of the history of Feasox is a mystery, some bits are known. These will be covered below.

'''How Foxes were created'''
From the Book of Feasox, Page 19

"A long long time ago there was a feasox named Fox. Being a feasox, Fox was, by definition, both adorable and cool. So cool was he, that he managed to trick the goddess Athena into trading eternal life in exchange for a measley half-assed purr (it wasn't even the sincere kind!).
Unfortunately for Fox, Athena's brother Apollo knew better. Quite pissed, Apollo descended down to Earth and batted Fox quite viciously on the nose. "You weasel!" Apollo shouted, "You took advantage of my little sister! Give her back her eternal life NOW!" Of course, Fox refused, and being super-cool, stuck his tongue out at Apollo. So Apollo, now uber-pissed, punished Fox by taking away all of his coolness, leaving only his fluffy adorableness behind. His weasel-like coolness lost, Fox whimpered quite pitifully and ran away like an adorable, sissy little coward. Having lost his coolness, Fox was no longer a feasox, but a new species, the fox."

'''The Second Felinoponnesian War'''
From The book of Feasox, Page 8

"Thousands of years ago there was an epic war between the Feasox and Honeybear clans. The Honeybear prince, upon visiting the great Feasox city of Feasparta, had stolen the love of the Feaspartan king's wife and taken her back to the Honeybear capital of Honeytroy. In outrage, all the Feasox kingdoms united under one banner and made plans to raze Honeytroy to the ground.

Soon a hundred thousand Feasox ships had set sail for the Honeybear homeland. Spapollo, the Canine god of war, watched from the heavens with great concern. Although he knew that he should not meddle with Feline affairs, he could not stand by and watch Honeytroy be destroyed... for he admired the Honeybears' stripes, and Honeytroy was the world's leading exporter of doggy treats.

So Spapollo took the guise of a ladybug and flew down towards one of the approaching Feasox ships. However, this was no ordinary ship. It was the ship of Jachilles, the greatest of the Feasox warriors... perhaps even the greatest warrior ever born.

Spapollo challenged Jachilles to a game of skipping acorns across the sea. The loser would have to grant the other any one wish that the winner desired. Jachilles knew that there was little to gain from a ladybug, but he agreed anyway. After all, he was feeling lucky and thought it very improbable a ladybug could lift an acorn, let alone throw one. He elected to go first.

Unfortunately, Jachilles had always sucked at acorn skipping, and his acorn fell unceremoniously into the water. Spapollo laughed and then revealed his true form. "Holy Crap!" exclaimed Jachilles, as Spapollo picked up an acorn and skipped it clean across the sea.

Having defeated Jachilles, Spapollo explained to Jachilles how he must play a role in ensuring a Feasox defeat.

Days later the ships made landfall on the shores of Honeytroy. It was at this moment that Jachilles turned on his Feasox comrads and single-handedly slaughtered them all. Millions of fallen Feasox warriors lay strewn upon the beach.... only Jachilles remained.

Cathector, the legendary Honeytrojan warrior princess, witnessed the devastation and greeted Jachilles with much gratitude. At this moment Jachilles fell to his knees and swore eternal allegiance to the Honeybear clan.

With their armies destroyed, the Feasox kingdoms now lay defenseless. Within weeks the Honeybear counter-offensive, led by Jachilles and Cathector, had burned all the Feasox cities to the ground, leaving none alive.

Thus the Second Felinoponnesian War was over, and the Honeybears ruled all of Felinoponnesia.

In her great guilt, the former queen of Feasparta threw herself from the highest wall of Honeytroy. And that was how Jachilles came to be the world's lone surviving Feasox."

'''Tale of the Feazox'''
A Feazox tale of Lore

"Long long back in the far misty dawn of time there lived a Feazox. Not the sort of feazoxes that you or I see every day walking down the street, having fruit-carts upended upon them and being shoved into automated bank depositories or hung on poles and poked at with umbrellas. No, these feazox was one of the cheese-flavored feazoxes, feazoxes who subsisted on steady diets of lemons and sauerkraut. You may ask why this feazox was of the cheese-flavored variety and not some other variety of feazox. Actually I lied. You may not ask. Shame on you! You ought to be spending your time doing more important things than questioning my judgment in telling folk tales to you. But because I am nice I will tell you anyway. Be certain that it does not happen again.

The reason that this was a cheese-flavored variety of feazox was that, in the far misty dawn of time, there wasn't any other sort of feazox to be. That's right. Things used to look a lot more like other things than they now do. Waffles resembled rocks, platypuses resembled fire hydrants and maraschino cherries resembled '87 Dodge Chargers. And feazoxes resembled most other animals quite remarkably. Save for their cheese flavoring, you could hardly tell them apart from other sorts of animals at all.

The feazox was proud of his cheese flavoring. Day by day he would prance through the forest primeval shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look at me! I'm a watermelon!" (Things used to taste a lot like other things as well, hence his confusion.) Other things he would shout were, "Soup is good food!" (we here at the Institute agree), "I am in love with Kathie Lee Gifford!" (a common failing of most feazoxes, even primeval ones) and "Today, I am moving to Boise!" (a comment we are at a loss to explain.) But the one thing that the feazox would yell most often of all, more even than shouting out his love of Kathie Lee Gifford, was the phrase "I am cuter than you!!!"

The feazox was a vain creature, you see. And in addition to giving him a pleasant cheesey taste, the feazox's flavoring also lended to him an all-over pleasant pale yellow color, of which he was incredibly proud. Almost as proud as he was of his pet ViewMaster, which he had named "Emilio" and which he wore on a thong around his neck. You may ask, "But Doctor," you may ask, "what sorts of custom ViewMaster reels did he have available for viewing?" (You may actually ask this, this time. This time.) Well, that, my inquisitive hypothetical pupil, is a lesson for another legendary tale. (Next Tuesday's, in fact.)

So anyhow. The cheese-flavored feazox (who we will call "Taurine") and his pet ViewMaster Emilio skipped through the forest primeval without a care in the world (save diabetes) and that would be the end of our tale were it not for the fact that something has to happen to make this into a story, unless it was written by Anton Chekhov, who can write stories even if nothing happens, and American actor David Hyde Pierce, who gets a universal exemption to tell whatever kind of story he wants, even if nothing happens. And the thing that happens in this story is that Taurine the Feazox forgot that he had signed up for humility class that semester under the great hyena teacher Grandmother Sissy Spacek.

Now, like most hyenas in the forest primeval, Grandmother Sissy Spacek resembled both a banana and Tippi Hedren crossed with a modern fuel-injection system, but that's not important right now. What was important was that on this one day, Taurine was so involved in jaunting about in the forest primeval shouting about Kathie Lee Gifford and about his enticing cheese flavor that he completely forgot about his humility class, where all the other animals went to learn their proper place in the world (Shreveport, LA). So at the close of humility class, Grandmother Sissy Spacek went tracking Taurine the Feazox through the forest primeval, which she could do because of her tremendous sense of smell and the fact that she had drank lots of juice that morning. Children like yourselves who wish to best track things through the forest ought to drink lots of juice. Learn from the lesson of Grandmother Sissy Spacek! (But be certain to pick the type of juice wisely.) Also, Taurine was leaving behind bits of torn-up bagel behind. So it was really quite easy.

Eventually, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cornered Taurine the Feazox against the trunk of a giant magnolia plant. Have you ever heard the expression "cornered against a magnolia plant?" Now you know where that expression comes from.

"So!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. "You thought that you could simply skip my humility class, where animals learn that the place for them is Shreveport, LA?"

"I'm cuter than you!" shouted Taurine the Feazox. Also he added, "My toaster is on fire!" (Nobody can explain this, either, so do not try.)

"So, you're cuter than me, eh?" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (She, too, did not try to explain the bit about the toaster. You should learn from her!) "I suppose you think that your pleasant cheese flavor, acquired from long hours eating sauerkraut and lemons, makes you that way?"

"Soup is good food!" exclaimed Taurine.

"Harumph!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek. (You should not try to Harumph. This is one area where you should not learn from Grandmother Sissy Spacek.) "I will show you who is cuter than who!"

And with a wave of her magic pencil brush and squeeze bottle of Hellmann's Dijonnaise, Grandmother Sissy Spacek cast a powerful spell on Taurine the Feazox. "I will replace your pleasant cheese flavor with a disgusting licorice flavor!" said Grandmother Sissy Spacek, whose friends called her "Emilia." (Do not confuse this with Taurine's pet ViewMaster!) "Also I will make you all black with stupid-looking hot-pink polka dots exept for with aquamarine in some places! And I will give you a dumb punk-rock haircut that makes you look like you used quite a bit too much Paul Mitchell hair spray when you got up in the morning. And I will make you wear an unfashionable amount of gold jewelry and render you unable to repair carburetors and also I will make it so that you cannot pronounce the letter 'm' and are forced to spend all your days substituting the closest alveolar nasal consonant equivalent, which would be the letter 'n'."

And this she did. It was a complicated spell, which was why she needed the squeeze bottle of Dijonnaise. "So," said Emilia, giving Taurine a shiny pot of some kind to look at himself with, "have I taught you never to skip humility class again?"

Taurine looked at himself in the shiny pot. (You can do this too!)

Then he shouted out, "I'n STILL cuter than you!"

And he continued trotting on and on through the forest and never went to a humility class again."

== Feasox Politics and Current Events ==

The feasox belong to political party, known as the Feasozobearzuma Party. [[http://transform.to/~jaggers/Stuffs/party2.gif|frame|The Feasozobearzuma Party's official logo]]

Their platform is based on the following 8 points:

- Advocation of Felines For Being Carried, while rejecting lap-kittyism

- Reestablishing the global market value of purrs

- Raising social awareness of the "kewlness" of wearing collars as a fashion statement

- Eradication of all species listed on the Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species, especially Spotted Hyenas

- Using tax dollars to support the Feasox Preservation Fund

- Recognition of Feasoxism as an official religion, with complete tax-exempt status

- Allowing species dysphoric individuals to legally identify themselves as their true species, while protecting them from such labels as "dysphoric"

- Funding species reassignment research and the establishment of the Texas Furry Clinic

'''Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species'''

The Feasox War Council has unanimously decided to declare evolutionary war on those listed on the...

Top-Ten List of Most Despicable Species

1) [[Spotted Hyenas]] (Crocuta crocuta)
2) Feline Leukemia Virus (Feline leukemia virus)
3) Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (Feline immunodeficiency virus)
4) Feline Infectious Peritonitis (Feline coronavirus)
5) Cat Fleas (Ctenocephalides felis)
6) Cat-Scratch Disease (Bartonella henselae)
7) American Cockroaches (Periplaneta americana)
8) Mosquitoes (all species)
9) Red Imported Fire Ants (Solenopsis invicta)
10) Sudden Oak Death (Phytophthora ramorum)

The stated goal is "the TOTAL, global eradication of all listed species by the year 2008."

Species are listed in order of decreasing urgency.

'''WAR'''

Feasox are currently at war with all [[spotted hyenas]] and [[foxes]] (except [[Arctic foxes]]), which has pitted General [[Jaggers]] of the feasox against General [[Viqsi]], representing the foxes and spotted hyenas. War was declared on June 17 by General [[Jaggers]], after a reported sneak attack led by General V[[iqsi]]. The declaration reads;

June 17, 2006. A day that will live in infamy...

At 9:11 AM of the morning of June 17, 2006, while all feasoxes around the globe were still asleep in their beds, the foxes, in a characteristic act of cowardice, unleashed a sneak attack upon the reputation of our species (1).
Led by General [[Viqsi]], the foxes used weapons of mass intelligence (including Google) in order to procure illegal information regarding our species' past and current activities. Armed with this information, they used devastating sissy-like tactics in order to distort the truth of our past to promote the delusion that their species is something more than merely a weak kewlness-less offshoot of our own. This cowardly verbal attack is nothing less than an all-out declaration of war against our freedom-loving species.

As of today, the Feasox Nation is at evolutionary war with BOTH the Kingdom of [[Spotted Hyena]]s and the Empire of [[Fox]]es. Let it be known that we shall settle for nothing less than the unconditional extinction of both species, with the exception of a select few individuals whom we will keep alive as pets. In addition, due to their apparent neutrality in the matter, the Arctic foxes shall, for now, be spared from eradication.

The Feazox, Honey Bear Cat, and Montehoney Orobearzuma Nations have already pledged their allegiance to our cause. And although our alliance is grossly outnumbered in this two-front war, we are confident that our combined powers of pleasant smell, adorableness, kewlness, stripes, and lack ugly spots shall guarantee our victory...

General [[Viqsi]]'s subsequent responses can be found [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t388232 here] and [http://jaggers.livejournal.com/112776.html#t389768 here]

== Feasox Spitituality ==

All Feasox spirituality is derived from the Book of Feasox. This not only tells of a feasox heaven and hell, but also of the nature of the feasox soul.

'''The Eternal Path of the True Feasox'''
From the Book of Feasox, Page 1

"Due to the perfect nature of feasoxes, the confines of the material universe can only harbor one feasox in physical form at a time. However, the potential for recruitment of new feasox souls is limitless.

To earn a feasox soul, one must merely adopt a feasox body for fourteen consecutive days. However, this can only be successfully initiated if there are no other feasoxes currently in physical existance. Once the fourteenth day has passed, the individual's soul is instantaneously upgraded to that of a feasox soul. If he/she has already lost, sold, or otherwise lacks a soul, then a new feasox soul shall simply be endowed upon them.

Possessing a feasox soul is a spiritually binding contract. Such a soul cannot be discarded, traded, sold, altered, or abandoned in any way. Thus, regardless of subsequent physical forms on Earth, the possessor of a feasox soul will continually exist as a feasox for all eternity. Such an individual is referred to as a "true feasox".

In life, a true feasox need not continually inhabit a feasox body. In fact, true feasoxes are encouraged to abstain to allow new recruits the opportunity to earn a feasox soul. However, regardless of form, a true feasox is obligated to live in accordance to The Book of Feasox.

Failure to follow The Guide, or other offenses such as abusing another feasox or rejecting one's own feasox-hood, shall result in the damnation of a feasox soul to feasox hell... a terrible afterlife lacking such amenities as cuddles, chewy things, and things that roll and bounce...

Otherwise, a true feasox leading a life of righteousness shall immediately proceed to feasox heaven following release. Feasox heaven is the most desirable and luxurious of all heavens, and feasox souls are the most privileged of all spirits. As such, a feasox soul is free to visit any of the other afterlives, or even descend back down upon Earth... whether it is to visit friends... or to torment past enemies.

However, being that other souls are sub-perfect, feasox heaven is exclusive to only feasoxes. Such rules are in place to keep feasox heaven in pristine form."