User:DanFoxDavies/Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

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The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has the following to say about furries:[edit]


Most famous in recent history due to the intergalactic war which was started on Youtube by the anonymous planet. The war was hugely inconclusive as nobody was actually hurt, and cost the High bank of Zyro Glucobolpazz 4 over $3 million in transmission costs to keep the war in operation. This was of course because of the vortex internet relay's slow upload speeds (being only 9.8 terabytes per second) and the fact that the High bank became a civilisation whose soul aim was to upload the videos.

The war inevitably failed because nobody paid much attention to it and simply got on with their lives.

Of course everybody knows furries these days. After Doctor Fredrik Aston developed painless genetic surgery to make a furry into their chosen animal (albeit morphed) they became universally known, but were largely shunned by larger groups known as The Cult of CHAV, who worshipped the destruction of everything who was "lookin' at my bird innit!". This in turn brought about the mice to accept the offer of 5 micro pascetoid dollars (each dollar being made up of a single atom so rare that God himself is said to have been unsure how it came to be, prior to His disappearance in a puff of logic) as payment for the destruction of earth to make way for a hyperspace bypass, despite their later realisation that the aforementioned destruction would lead to difficulties in acquiring the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe And Everything, to which the Answer is 42; on account of a miscalculation of the speed of Vogon bureaucracy in dealing with the matter of demolition. The furries thus became interstellar nomads until they came upon the planet of Dramah, where for millions of years they multiplied (as a rule of compulsory furpiles at 7 and afternoon tea at 3 became commonplace throughout the species). Their happiness was not to be lived for many turns of the gyroid clock, though, as another group also sought their demise. It was the vast legions of 4Chan, who constituted anonymous to perform their attacks -


4Chan was made up largely by the descendants of 13 year old american males with quite simply nothing better to do

End of subtext

- which sent shock waves throughout the known universe and as their battlecruisers bearing the mark of EPIC-LULZ (their most l33t commander) closed in the furries did nothing but squabble amongst themselves as to whether shouting something at them was a good idea or not. This of course did nothing to help, and as the death rays rained down upon the largely peaceful furries there could be heard a last desperate cry shouting out "NO U!!!!!"

To which the battlecruisers instantly vapourised, this brought about the period known as "The Fandom". Because the Furries had discovered their power to demolish any army or indeed, anyone they wished with the "NO U!!" technique, the universe became theirs. People faced the choice of "discovering their inner fur", having their innards ripped out with a giant claw, or being dropped into a black hole, which is rather amusing really because as nobody could know what was in a black hole, thus the people who chose it thought better of it afterwards, for inside is a giant game of big brother.

The period of Furryism came to a sharp end when it collapsed into petty arguments about.. well.. everything, Dramah, their home planet itself was destroyed, and chaos reigned.

Nobody really noticed of course because the secret to black holes had been unlocked and big brother was now screened constantly to the whole universe. Some called it the apocalypse, some called it sad, some even enjoyed that time. Until black holes were outlawed by the secretary of Gladorixica, who tried to prove that they couldn't hurt you if you didn't believe in them. He was proved wrong and as he hurtled to the house, he wondered whether he could drown himself in the jacuzzi.


The content of this page is based upon a fictional work and is set in the future. I accept no liability for the actions of others arising from reading or editing this article. It's meant to be funny, apologies if it is found to be anything other than funny. This was posted with permission of Dawn, the original thread is here: The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy concept and story, and other associated characters etc. are copyright of Douglas Adams.


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